I know it has been awhile since I posted, but I was trying to find a way to be encouraging in the midst of having won the battle and become a mom. I know that there are still some of you that are still fighting and have not won yet, but God has not forgotten about you. He will come through for you. My father preached yesterday on MY FIRST MOTHER’S DAY about God coming through for you. He said that God is going to give you the baby without the labor. Don’t be discouraged be encouraged and know that you may not have labored, but you will get your baby….Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all who got to celebrate their win, and Happy Belated Soon to be Mother’s Day for all of my fertility sisters fighting, but know they are going to win…This is for you!!
Motherhood is something that many of us especially my fertility sisters dream of. We pray, fast, take shots, take pills, prenatal vitamins, special lubricants and drops. We fight for the ability to be a mother. We get so consumed by the fight that we stress ourselves out and we lose the thrill of conceiving. Making a baby becomes a second job. We become God’s to our own fight and dreams, and we forget about the God in the battle we are fighting. We get tired and weary and helpless, and we quickly forget that God can and is still working on our behalf. We listen to our friends cry about pregnancy and then wonder really God her and not me. We go through the pain and hurt secretly within ourselves and we hold up everyone else. So after we fight hard and cry and suffer we get an amazing call from a doctor or adoption agency that we won and everything that we ever dreamed of comes to pass, but then the question hits like a ton of bricks what now? You have fought you have gotten what you dreamed of but where do you go from here? Do you settle for what you have or do you grant yourself the invitation to reach for what is next and what is in your grasp?
My sister was telling me that a woman spoke to her and told her that dreams are just a manifestation of God showing us what is in our reach. So you become a mother you adopt, foster, or become a God mother and then you wonder what to do next. Amauri is my pride and joy and I am so happy to have her, but does that mean I stop here? No it does not! What you need to know is that you are able to have what God chooses and still go after the desire you have in your heart. The day will come where my daughter will wonder why mommy is brown and where are baby pictures of her and why is it that the rest of my family is brown and she isn’t. She will read my blogs, and she will wonder if she was simply the second best option. I battle with this conversation in my head more than you know. Suddenly God told me “she was My first option” she was My will for your life. She still came just in a different way. She is not a coincidence to happen in your life. She came exactly when I wanted her too.
I shared with a friend of mine that about a year ago I had a dream of Amauri as a baby. She was gorgeous. I remember telling my sister Daria about her. I told her she didn’t look like she could have come from me, but she was mine. I remember telling her how gorgeous she was and I just wanted to take her out of the dream. In this dream I was walking around in the hospital. It was weird for me because if I had just birthed her why was I walking around like normal wearing jeans and a purple t-shirt. I then saw her first birthday and first steps. Looking at her now she is that same little girl in my dreams. God showed me all of her first moments so that I could have those experiences since she was not with me during her actual first. it was a beautiful gift. It became so clear to me when I realized all this time I had been praying to be a mommy. I never said that I wanted to birth all my children. I prayed to be pregnant and just because I have Amauri does not mean that I’m settling. Getting Amauri has simply invited me to reach for everything else that God has for me.
I wrote a song a while back that was in my heart yesterday. The lyrics were. I don’t want bad news. Please I don’t want that call. I can’t take the heart break the mistakes. I just can’t take it at all. So please don’t be the bad news. Please don’t break me again again. Please don’t be the bad news. Cause if you are then this could be my end.
When writing this song I was writing about my situation and receiving the call that I was not pregnant. I related it to being my end, and I didn’t realize God closing that door invited me to another even more amazing door. I am not Amauri’s biological mother no matter how badly I wish it was true I am not. Even though she is not my biological child I opened my other door, and God invited me to her and she is one of the best things in my life. I was able to give my daughter the love and safety and life that she had dreamed of. I was able to fulfill her dream while fulfilling my dream as well. I did not settle. I just read God’s whole invitation. I did not forget that God told me that I would birth my own seed, but I am inviting myself to the fact that God has SO MUCH FOR ME, and He has placed so much love in me. So while holding the gift that He gave me (Amauri) that was birthed through someone else. I can be invited to be pregnant and birth the purpose and the seed within myself. I realize God gave me Amauri so that I could raise her up and not have to be so down about the “rejected” promise that I got from the failed IVF. I quickly realized my being content in the one gift that I have has allowed God to prepare me for the future gifts I will receive.
Rather you adopted, still fighting, or have fostered. I want you to know that you have been invited to reach out for the promises God has given you. Your baby that you have now is not your settling choice. It is simply God’s first choice and your destiny. God has not given up on you; He has not taken back what He said; He simply is waiting for you to read your entire invitation. The chorus to my song is God give help to the helpless. God give peace to the weary souls. Oh God give babies to the barren hearts. Help them to know they are not alone. Help them to know they are not alone.
It is important for you to know that you are not alone a delay to the first round does not mean you lost the battle. Choosing to adopt does not mean that you settled, and did not trust God. Fostering does not mean that you simply took what you could get. Do not give up! God is cordially inviting you to see all the sides of your promise. All of the options and directions He can take you. You can still birth. You can adopt. You can foster. All you need to do is reach. God is inviting you to not give up on what He said but to trust Him to follow through. One of the things I have learned as a new mom is that it is very important with my daughter for me to follow through. She can trust me more when I follow through. God is still in the business of miracles. He will follow through because I believe He will. He will continue to do it for me, and He has invited you too believe so make sure to RSVP…..
Believe in Destiny and God Will Do the Rest!!
XOXO Your Fertility Sister CoCoa