“Mama look at the BIG BALL”


“Mama look at the big ball.” She says. I try to keep my composure because this is all new to me, and I have never been called this before. “Mama look at the big ball.” Her first words wow that feeling will stick with me forever. I love her more than my heart can hold I am sure, but I don’t care because I would give her my heart, and I have only known her for approximately twenty minutes. Our classes are done, and they were long, and detailed. They were filled with paperwork, and lessons to learn. They were hard to get through, and some people gave up, but it got me to “Mama look at the big ball.” Ladies and gentlemen after all the trials and tribulations Brandon and I took on fostering to adopt, and we have been blessed with an amazing little girl. She is 4 years old. The amazing thing is she didn’t come from me, but I see myself in her, and I love her no differently than I would have love a child I birthed myself.

Her birthday is a day after my Grandma rest her souls birthday. We wanted to name our first birthed daughter Amauri it means a gift from God. Her birth names also means a gift from God. We were fighting through life and we are still going to fight for being able to birth children. Our hearts are with this precious baby that was given to us without a fight without tears of sadness without detachment she fit right in to our family as if she had waited for us her whole life. I got to celebrate her birthday with her. I got to take her to her doctor’s appointment. She automatically began to call me mama. Now I can tell you guys for real it isn’t about birthing a child that makes you a mother. It’s the big ball. It’s the bath time it’s the story time it’s our special night-time song. It’s the spontaneous hugs when your child says I love you mommy. That is what makes you a parent.

I am a mother because she chose me. I am a mother because God chose me. It’s hard to sit in life with hard diagnoses of cancer, pcos, infertility or anything else, but you have to believe that God is still choosing you. God is still wanting you to be a parent to a child born or unborn. Your time is coming there were many night I cried for my failed IVF treatment, and lost children. There were times I though God had forgotten about me, and I would not make it past this. I felt like how could I love something that didn’t come from me. How can I be a mommy if I can’t say “I brought you into this world, and I will take you out” like all the other mothers could? Will my family love this child as they would a child I birthed.

Would my husband love this child as he would a child I birthed? I had all these questions, and then one day I let go, and let God. I said God let my husband love this child as he would a child I birthed. Let my family see this child as a child I birthed. Let this child see us as their parents, and nothing more or less. When I let go and let God I was able to see the big ball. The ball my daughter was talking about is a revolving ball in Downtown Dallas, and it’s beautiful. It turns around and around and around when you are sitting inside of it. When you are sitting inside of it your view and perception changes as you are sitting down watching.

God wants this from you to see things in a different perspective. The ball never changes on the inside or out it is just always turning as is life. The perception you see inside the ball is always changing because that is the world. I challenge you to see the big ball, and understand being a mommy will never change for you. It’s the perception within your dream that will always change when you give God the wheel. Don’t give God the plan you have stop look and listen, and watch Him change your perception. She is my Amauri she is my daughter. I didn’t birth her, but I would die for her like a birth mother. I would give her a kidney like a birth mother. I will hug her like a birth mother, and I will love her like a birth mother. I am still a mommy my perception through God’s eyes has simply changed. Stay tuned this is not the end of my journey it is only the beginning.

36 thoughts on ““Mama look at the BIG BALL””

  1. Sweet Girl- I am just boo hooing- congratulations to you both- I know you are going to be a great Momma- especially with your mom’s example- and I bet your sis is already a super aunt!!

  2. It’s my birthday today and I just read this piece from you and it comes right at the point when I’m telling God I certainly won’t have my life’s script written differently.i’ve had my
    share of tears but I’m at that point where I choose to see God’s perspective and I’m thankful somethings didn’t happen when I wanted them to. I have followed your story and I have no doubt that you will be an amazing mother to little Amauri. Your faith encourages me and I know our FAITH in God moves mountains. Here’s to an amazing journey of motherhood.

    1. Thank you very much…All in God’s timing is so important to keep with you as you take any journey in life…You will be ready when God says you are…Be encourage and enjoy this time of preparation…

  3. hello and congratulations ..this is amazing im starting the same type of support group here in maryland call( faith N fertility of maryland) im excited to read yr blog and will be starting one as well ..i my self am facing infertility But with FAITH i will birth another child, i will love to tell you more about my group and maybe will can link up and take this to the world, there are so many women facing this fight and so little women taking a stand ,,The god i serve is bigger than any problem there is ,,i have been assigned from god to pray and encourage women through faith that infertility can Not stop the will of god ,he promiesd sarah ,hannah and what he did for them he can do it for us ..please can you contact me ..we are planning a march for infertility as well ,,TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR THE THINGS HE HAS DONE ..

    1. Wow Felicia it sounds like you are on a very wonderful move of God. I am happy to not be the only person taking a stand. Be encouraged my fertility sister God will and can for us I am watching Him move in my life even now..

  4. Congratulations Cora! I plan on adopting one day as well and am so encouraged when others do.

    I came to your blog a couple months ago via Clutch Magazine. I was intruiged by your faith and struggle. Fast forward to now and I discovered my own struggles with infertility. Here’s a site I found in my research that may be helpful to you with natural ways to help fertility. I’m in no way connected with the site and have not tried any of the suggestions yet but I plan to. Thanks for your bravery encouragement by letting God use you through your words.

    Monica

    1. Thank you very much it warms my heart to be inspiring, and keep your head up everything is going to work out according to God plan and purpose for your life….God bless you…

  5. My son was around the age of one and I think you were around 10 when you entered the nursery at the Potter’s House to assist with the toddler’s class. I observed you at that time and the numerous other times you assisted. You were such an amazing, bubbly and selfless little girl at that time. You were amazing to me because you chose to minister and help with toddlers when there were thousands of other things that you could have been doing. I have long since moved away but you dropped in my thoughts this morning and i found your story and am ecstatic that you are fostering. I currently have a sibling group of four that will be returned to their birth parent. You are well equipped for your journey.

    1. Thank you very much I appreciate that wow I can’t believe it I am getting older than I thought lol. Thanks again and God Bless you in your fostering journey!!

  6. It’s Love that makes you family not necessarily blood! God is good! So happy for you and you family! God bless you! 😃

  7. I understand soo much of what you are going through. 7 years ago my husband and I adopted our son through private adoption after I was diagnosed with PCOS. It was the best thing I ever did besides accept Christ. I couldnt imagine loving my son more if I had birthed him from my own womb. I battled with the questions of will he know he was not 2nd choice, will my husband and family love him as I love him. He is God’s gift to us, and the moment I laid eyes on him I knew it was Godordained for us to be his parents. The gift of adoption is a wonderful thing, after all God adopted us as his sons and daughters and we have the same benefits of heirs and joint heirs. I pray God would continue to bind your family in love and give you all that you need for the journey. He is able to do what man says is impossible. Even to this day I am still open to the FACT that God can decide to bless me to give birth but I am grateful for the gift that he has already given me. Be Blessed!

    I blogged about my journey years ago also
    http://www.chroniclesofmommyhood.typepad.com
    wwww.cleandsylsjourney.blogspot.com

  8. I understand soo much of what you are going through. 7 years ago my husband and I adopted our son through private adoption after I was diagnosed with PCOS. It was the best thing I ever did besides accept Christ. I couldnt imagine loving my son more if I had birthed him from my own womb. I battled with the questions of will he know he was not 2nd choice, will my husband and family love him as I love him. He is God’s gift to us, and the moment I laid eyes on him I knew it was Godordained for us to be his parents. The gift of adoption is a wonderful thing, after all God adopted us as his sons and daughters and we have the same benefits of heirs and joint heirs. I pray God would continue to bind your family in love and give you all that you need for the journey. He is able to do what man says is impossible. Even to this day I am still open to the FACT that God can decide to bless me to give birth but I am grateful for the gift that he has already given me. Be Blessed!

    I also blogged about our journey

  9. WOW Cora, I am so touched by your faith, fight and favor! I am just now being made aware of your journey but I know that your steps are being orderd by the Almighty God! You and your family will be in my prayers! Congratulations on “Your Gift From God”! You may not remember me but I went to the TOF in WV with you when you were a little girl. You were beautiful then and your beauty inside and outside still remains. Keep the Faith and Continue to walk in the blessings of God! Sonja

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