Let me start off by saying I am completely encouraged and excited about all that is happening in my life. I am still fighting for what the world says is impossible and I believe God can do the impossible. I trust God’s word is true, and He will perform it. I am not discouraged in my infertility. I’m encouraged in it and whatever happens if I get pregnant naturally, through IVF, or adoption I am happy no matter what God decides. IAM NOT GIVING UP ON ANY OF MY CHILDREN THE ONES I BIRTH OR THE ONES I DON’T BIRTH THEY WILL ALL BE EQUALLY JUST AS SPECIAL TO ME. I come to you writing this blog so that it can help those who are feeling lost, discourage, and hurting behind infertility. I want to let them know they are not alone. I have been there, and am offering encouraging word to help them through it as God gives me my own story to share, and reflect on. SO LET ME BEGIN!!
She writes me back with a confidence that says Cora this will be perfect for you. She is excited, and has no apprehension towards us at all. She explains it to us in great detail. We will meet with the director she will give us paperwork to fill out. There will be background checks, classes, and certification, home studies, fire inspections, home inspections, and licensing and then we talk about “placement”. She types this e-mail with an ease that brings me undeniable peace about the process although it seems quite tedious. I understand that just as IVF has a process, artificial insemination has a process, and even getting pregnant in the ideal natural way has a process I prepare myself for this adoption process. It is complex and simple as my husband would say, but it doesn’t stop me from moving forward.
I immediately begin doing my research. Because even as a child I never walked into anything without full knowledge of what I needed to ask, and what is ahead. I never really liked roller coasters for that reason you don’t know what’s ahead, and it jerks you and puts you in positions that are beyond your control. So I start my researching I Google “things to ask foster care agencies.” I also Google the fostering to adopt, and the process that is behind it. I spoke to people who had fostered, and got a mentor who had fostered to adopt successfully before shout out to my girl!! There is no sense in going through a process without a mentor who has succeeded before.
My husband and I went to go see the Hunger Games this past weekend, and before preparing to fight for the death they had a mentor. The mentor had been through the game before, and won. He was there to help them know how to win. Whatever choices you choose have someone with you who has won before. I got myself prepared for this meeting. I typed my questions down in a Microsoft word document with lines so I could write down the answers effectively. I wanted to be more prepared than anyone she had ever seen before. I wanted to wow her with my organization skills, and the questions I had so she knew how ready we were.
Sheree tells me we will be meeting the program director the following Saturday, and I am nervous, but excited. “What should I wear?” “Does this look maternal enough?” “Don’t forget your questions?” This is simply another first day to the start of another chance at motherhood. Although I know God is still able to get me pregnant it doesn’t stop me from opening the door. Even before knowing about my infertility I wanted to adopt I wanted to be a mother to a child out there that I know needed a mommy like me. So I get dressed, and I grab my questions, and we go to meet the project manager, and I am shaking on the inside. I go into this thinking what if she thinks I am not ready or we are too young? What if she doesn’t like us? I go into this thinking the process is going to be extremely long, and I have a while before the parenting part is going to happen for us.
My husband grabs my hand and tells me she is going to love us, and you are going to be a wonderful mommy. Everything is going to be fine honey he says just breathe. I take a deep breath and walk into the restaurant. We order food and we have a casual conversation. Then the questions begin I ask my questions, and she asked us questions as well. The questions are pretty general why, what, when, and where types of things. We leave the restaurant with our questions answered, and a full understanding of what is ahead as well as a folder filled with documents to complete. I being the paper work junky that I am and also being very eager I start immediately. We get finished with as much paperwork as we possibly can. I e-mail her with any information I have or questions. The next thing she e-mails is when will be a good time to come, and do the first walk-through. Wow that was quick is my first thought. We had only just met Saturday, and the next Wednesday she was going to come and check out our home.
I immediately go out to the store and buy safety locks, outlet covers, toilet locks, and etc. My husband safety proofs the house, and she comes and she takes a quick look, and tells us we can start our classes that following week. I am excited, and wowed by God as soon as I opened my heart to other options things just started happening for us. Ladies there is absolutely nothing too hard for God. God can bring your baby through another door, and you not feel a difference what so ever. That would just be your baby. God can allow you to adopt that child, and get you pregnant. God can have you walk through one journey just so you can use it to help someone else.
It is very easy to give up on your dreams simply because they aren’t coming as quickly as you hoped or they aren’t happening the way you hoped. God hasn’t forgotten His promise to you, and He will perform it in whatever way He chooses. We decided to foster to adopt and us going the fostering to adopt way is not us giving up on me birthing our own child, because I AM NOT GIVING UP ON BIRTHING A CHILD. We chose fostering to adopt to say to God not my will but Yours be done. I don’t want to miss out on the blessings God has for me because I refused to see other options or because I refused to open my heart to another idea.
If we continue to remain so close minded to everything but one thing in life then how can God give us blessings that we won’t have room enough to receive? As a young child I dreamed of my little boy sitting on the stairs waiting for me to get home, and his name was Nehemiah I opened the door, and he ran to me and said mommy mommy, and I said MiMi pronounced MyMy is what I called him. That dream didn’t come to me with me at a hospital sitting in stirrups pushing. It came to me as MY child waiting for his mommy to get home. Maybe you are a mommy already, and maybe you aren’t whatever the case may be I want you to know the promise is waiting on you all you have to do is open the door to all the possibilities ahead. Don’t give up on birthing your child, but don’t keep God in one box either. The time for you to believe in ALL of God’s abilities is now the question is are you ready to believe that God may not have said no He just said yes to another way. Could God be rerouting you, and you still reach your destination?