Let me start by saying I am sorry I haven’t written since the day we found out that an American icon Whitney Houston had passed away. I was so shocked, and am still shocked by this tragic news. My heart goes out to her family, and her friends. I can’t believe it at 48 she has left the world, but I do believe with all my heart that we will see her again in heaven someday. I have been trying to wrap my head around it so I was trying to give everyone a chance to grieve, and mourn this loss. I never met her but she worked with my family, and I feel as if I knew her watching her life, and my father’s movie having been the last movie she filmed in I was so excited to be meeting her soon. I pray that everyone is coping with this as best they can. I pray that God will be a constant source of peace to her family and friends. Whitney Houston rest in peace and continue to look to God.
I have to be put to sleep, and I can’t drive home. There will be soreness, and I can take Tylenol, and only Tylenol for the pain. I read all the papers like I was told, and I get myself prepared. I have approximately 11 follicles, and it’s possible that there are eggs in every single one. It’s exciting and nerve racking I can’t eat or drink after midnight, and the procedure isn’t very long. So I am now ready and I try to concentrate on my paperwork and read everything carefully there so many medications and changes that I know come after the egg retrieval. I am ready for this moment. I wanted to know how many eggs were retrieved, and how many are healthy, and valuable. My husband gives his part to this process, and then I am rolled into the operating room. I am wrapped up in warm blankets. A different OBGYN comes in to rinse my uterus because my OBGYN isn’t able to do it at the time one word “OUCH.” Sisters please be sure to try to get your doctor to be the one that does the rinsing procedure. I say this because she knows how your uterus works and it won’t be so uncomfortable. I fall asleep shortly after and then it’s over.
I wake up and I don’t feel any pain at all, but every woman is different and I am told you can have cramping associated with this procedure, and spotting also. I didn’t have any of that. I get dressed and I walk casually to the car because now there is nothing else I can do. My eggs are in the hands of the doctor, and they will mix them today, and that’s that. They will call me in two days to update me, and let me know how many we have and how many fertilized. I am anxious to know, but I remain at peace until I get the call. I relax at home and I start the vaginal inserts like the nurse told me too. I start eating pineapples because I am told they help to thicken the lining of your uterus and that is good for the embryos. I am taking pre-natal vitamins, and I am also drinking lots of water and eating fruits, and veggies.
Two days later the phone rings, and the nurse tells me 8eggs out of 11 follicles were found. 3 were not valuable, and so that left only 5 that were fertilized, and those were being observed and looked at and we are hoping for those to grow and grow. The doctor then says you can start the inserts tomorrow, and we will see you Sunday. I am breathless, WHAT DO YOU MEAN TOMORROW the nurse told me to start them today. The doctor says “oh no Cora I am so sorry she was supposed to say tomorrow with that being said you have progressed a day early, and in less we get blastocyst that could be a problem so continue what you are doing, and we will reconvene on Saturday, and hope for the best otherwise we will have to freeze everything and start over in two-three weeks.” Oh my gosh I want to rewind the clock I want to be forgetful in that moment I want to strangle the nurse I want to go back, but I can’t. I just have to pray that I have at least two embryos that are growing as quickly as I am.
I realize going through this major hiccup how easy it is for us to want to turn back the hands of time, and do things differently. I wanted to go back, I wanted to hear better, I wanted to ask her to repeat everything. I wanted to change things, and then it suddenly hit me I didn’t want to be here in the first place, but I am now, and wanting to change the impossible is not my power anymore. I am still stacked with odds, and I have to trust God had that nurse hiccup for a reason. I have to trust God had me go ahead through this medication for a reason. I can’t continue to sit in the now wondering how to go back. Because in life we can’t pick what God pushes us forward in. We must just trust that we are walking with him. It’s so easy to want to go back to change things, and forget what milestones you have passed getting here.
Sometimes trusting God can be the scariest thing you do, but once you get to your final destination it all begins to make sense. That Saturday the doctor called and told me that there were exactly two embryos that were progressing early and I could do the transfer on Sunday. I was so relieved and excited, and I was ready to go in Sunday. I want to let you know that we can’t run backwards and fix anything; we can’t change the mistakes we made. We can’t change the past all we can do is learn from our mistakes and walk forward we must grasp on to the things ahead and accept the things behind, and use those moments as a pusher. Looking back is not going to help you to see the blessings forward. I want you guys to understand the most important part of this journey is that you take it with stride and most importantly if you can’t take it with stride just TAKE IT. Don’t think of the things you could have done differently the last time, and focus on yourself and looking forward. It’s easy to let negativity weigh down on you. It’s even easier to spend so much time wondering how you could have prevented the storm instead of facing the way to get to the rainbow.
LET THIS BE YOUR SEASON TO WALK FORWARD FORGETTING THE THINGS WHICH ARE BEHIND AND WALKING FORWARD TO YOUR PROMISE. STOP CONSUMING YOURSELF WITH WHAT YOU COULDA SHOULDA WOULDA!!