“Please let us be able to start IVF.” I walked back into the doctor’s office two months after being on consistent birth control. My head in a good place I was praying, and I walked in the office believing my body was surely healed. I walked in the office with confidence and peace. My fiancé holding my hand every step of the way so I did exactly what I tell you guys I breathed. I got on that table and you guys I was so sure it was gone I mean I had fasted, and prayed. It just had to be gone. The doctor explained to me that the cyst had to be gone in order to start IVF. The doctor set up the sonogram and began to scan. She scanned over my ovary and just as normal as she could she said. “So there’s the cyst.” Gosh those words I almost started to cry again, but I waited to hear the rest of the conversation. I didn’t cry I didn’t let the devil know I was hurt or devastated I decided to wait. I decided to trust God to do exactly what He said.
I was trying to hold it together trust God, and I didn’t even realize she just said “cyst.” Excuse me maybe I didn’t type that down right. She said cyst not cysts she said cyst. It was one left you guys. I left that office two months ago with four small cysts and a big one in the middle. When I came back I only had one cyst left and it had gone down two centimeters. I was so focused on her saying cyst that I almost missed the blessing. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal to some people, but you don’t understand that birth control didn’t have to work at all. I walked in two months ago with a seven centimeter cyst and four small ones around it. My blessing had already been said, and I didn’t even realize it.
That was the wonderful news it was decreasing it was getting smaller, and the four around it were gone. I wanted to walk in there and be completely healed, and God was still walking along side me. He had another plan for me, and that is what we all need to understand. The way that we plan things in our head are not always the way that God plans things. So all I had to do at this point was to continue to come in and get checked every six weeks to see what my cyst was doing, and then the doctor gave me even more good news it just needed to be three centimeters for us to start IVF. I was able to walk out happy on God’s plan once I let go of mine.
My main focus was to get under God’s umbrella. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband, and I wanted us to start this journey of IVF as husband and wife. So we finished planning the wedding, and we said we would come back after marriage to check on everything. It was important to me for us to be in God’s will before trying to have children. So we did I got married just as I had dreamed of. I had the best day of my life with my best friend, and I couldn’t have been happier to be Mrs. Cora Brionne Coleman. My husband is the most supportive man that I know. He wants me to be happy he knows this is my biggest dream, and he won’t stop until we get there.
Fertility sisters sometimes we dream of feeling the baby kick inside, the morning sickness, the labor, the breast-feeding and we create in our mind that is what makes us a mother. That might not be the way God planned it. God may have planned for you to be a mother through surrogacy, adoption, foster care, being a God parent, and instead of crying about what God didn’t do be grateful for what He did do, and is doing. Who am I to say that God didn’t do what He promised simply because He didn’t do it the way that I thought he was going to do it. I can’t change God’s will I just must make a decision to walk in His will and not my own.
I must smile in the middle of adversity knowing that God will and that’s just that GOD WILL. You may have your dream in your head, and when it doesn’t go that way you may immediately feel like the devil is sabotaging you, and sometimes that is factual but sometimes it just wasn’t God’s will. I want to be pregnant naturally, and I want to feel the kicks and have the morning sickness. I want to have the fatigue and the maternity leave because my feet are too swollen to walk around. I want to wobble. I want that badly, and that might be God’s will, but the reality is that it may not be God’s will.
Pregnant women remember the kicking the throwing up, and the symptoms, and other people feeling your belly may remember the kicking, and the look of your stomach, but the child you know what he remembers he remembers the love that he felt from his mother and father. He remembers the person who made him chicken noodle soup. The baby remembers the person who tucked him/her in at night. Pregnancy doesn’t make you a mother chicken noodle soup, bedtime stories, and even time outs that’s what makes you a mother. I don’t know what God’s will is but I believe God for whatever His will is. He promised me my children, and however he gives them to me I trust him because I know for a fact that GOD WILL!!