Impossibly Winning!!

“Did you save them did you save both ovaries?” I asked my doctor groggy, discombobulated, and in pain. I fell back to sleep before I could even hear her answer. Oh my gosh the soreness the heaviness I felt in my stomach after this surgery to remove the cyst on my ovaries was hard to bear through. It hurt, but I couldn’t help but try to be strong, and not get beaten by this surgery, but to beat it. I remember that day so clear like it was yesterday. I went to the doctor after my shocking scan after my car accident where I would there find out that I had a 7cm cyst on one ovary and a 12cm cyst on the other ovary. Which when you first hear that you think oh just 7cm well apparently your ovary it’s self is only about 1cm so you can imagine the shock the doctors had, and the immediate fear I had.

It seemed like quickly my life spun rapidly. I was hearing about my cyst one day, and two days later I was being prepped for surgery. Now don’t get me wrong. I am strong but in that moment I was afraid this was a surgery that could ultimately ruin my biggest dream for the rest of my life. So I prayed, and prayed that life wouldn’t take me, but that I would fight for life. After all I had promised my unborn children that I would fight for them. Being diagnosed with PCOS was a difficult thing to deal with, but I knew that with God nothing is impossible, and even though I had the condition that didn’t mean that God couldn’t heal me, and it didn’t mean that God couldn’t bring me my beautiful babies.

So let me share with you a little bit about PCOS. It is a condition and it stands for Polycystic Ovarian syndrome PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a common hormonal disorder in women that interferes with the growth and release of eggs from the ovaries, or ovulation. It is the most common cause of infertility among women.  It’s just not talked about as much as I believe it should be. PCOS occurs when a woman’s body overproduces sex hormones, called androgens. The hormone imbalance prevents fluid-filled sacs in the ovaries from breaking open and releasing mature eggs. The fluid-filled sacs bunch together, causing many tiny cysts, but in my case they form very large cyst. Symptoms of PCOS include missed periods, abnormal facial and body hair growth, acne, and weight gain. PCOS may run in families (

Typically PCOS is treated with birth control. “Hello I am trying to get pregnant, and meanwhile you have told me that the only way to treat this condition is giving me a pill that prevents pregnancy.” How frustrating can this be? I want to have my baby, and I want to at least try with my husband. I don’t want to be on birth control there has to be a better way. Before I break down because of this condition I will talk to the doctor she must have a plan. She just has to. I research over and over, and all I keep finding is birth control birth control and more birth control. Well before I could ever even start a treatment plan toward fertility or away from it I had to be rushed into the hospital to have surgery to remove both cyst, and that was with the hope that my ovaries would stay in tack.

I was told by the doctor that she would try her absolute best to save both ovaries, and just remove the cyst, so going to sleep I was hoping both ovaries would be saved. I wouldn’t wake up with any different news. I remember praying so hard before my surgery please God save both of my ovaries please God. I was 23 at the time and all I could do was cry out to God. PCOS is such a paralyzing condition there is nothing you can really do, but put it in God’s hands, and hope for the best. So there I was looking at my doctor under what seem to be the brightest light in the world, and I closed my eyes, and prayed myself to sleep. I was then putting my 7cm and 12cm cyst in my doctor’s hands, and I could hear her praying for me as I dozed off.

I woke up from the surgery to find myself in pain, and just wanting to know did they save both ovaries, and no one would answer me. I went on to thank my friends, and family for praying for me, and believing both ovaries were saved. Suddenly my sister came in earlier then she said she was, and then my mom wouldn’t leave my side. I quickly realized things didn’t go the way I thought, but yet and still no one would tell me what went on. Then on a Friday morning both my general practitioner and new OBGYN came to my house, and shared with me my soon to be reality. In that moment it seemed that everything was going in slow motion. My doctor pulled out pictures from the surgery, and it looked like a science experiment gone really wrong.

She began to talk about the surgery in what was a very casual voice. She dropped a bomb on me in the middle of the conversation that I felt stab me like dirty jagged edge knife in the pit of my soul. “There was so much scar tissue on the tube on the left and the ovary on the left they were so severely damaged that we were not able to save it.” The silence of the room became so clear that all I could hear were the tears sliding softly down my face. I knew what was coming. I didn’t want to believe it and I didn’t want to hear it, but it came anyway.

“Getting pregnant naturally is not in the cards for you and we will have to consider IVF in the future if you want to get pregnant.” My doctor basically said in a nutshell.

I was angry I wanted to be normal I wanted to get pregnant the normal way. IVF was an invasion of my privacy, and life. I wanted to have my own personal success. I began to cry I went to the old doctors I told them something was wrong, and they assured me it was all in my head. Now I have one ovary, one tube, and a uterus, and a very low possibility of getting pregnant. I am not this girl right? I just couldn’t be that girl taking care of other people’s children, and living vicariously through them, and having no chance of sharing this joy with a kid of my own. I can’t be that girl. Well I am I am that girl. I was comforted by spiritual prayer after scripture, but the one thing that I remember to this day that my doctor said. I asked her “So I can’t get pregnant naturally?” She replied “It’s not impossible, it’s just not probable.” That is all I needed because from the moment I knew with God all things are possible, and probable even in the most impossible measures.

The oldest woman of our time to get pregnant was 70 years old. I don’t want to be 70 pregnant with my first child, but that is just a true testament of what God is truly capable of. He can make the barren give birth even now. He can make the blind see. You see the point is God is in the ministry of miracles, and He doesn’t have business hours he doesn’t open and close. He hasn’t answered your prayer yet, but that doesn’t mean He won’t answer it. Our God is in the business of making impossible probable, and He can turn your storm all the way around. Consider the things He has brought you through this far the miracles that he has performed already, and stand on that alone. You can’t give up that is just what the devil wants you to do. If you fight then God will be right there with you. The impossible isn’t impossible it just takes a little longer for it to happen. I won’t let the devil put me in a hiding place he has already lost the battle he is just hitting you for sport. REMEMBER YOU’RE ALREADY WINNING JUST DON’T GIVE UP THE FIGHT!!

About the post



Add yours →

  1. I am shocked to see just how many people have the same struggles as I have had. I have been married for 4 years although I have been with him for 8. I was diagnosed with PCOS a few months before we started dating and was put on birth control. I always knew I wanted to be a mom one day and although the doctor said from the point of diagnosis I would have to jump through hoops to get there id do whatever it takes. I have had personal struggles and marital struggles and a feeling that I’m less of a woman because I haven’t conceived yet. I have even gone as far to feel that I’d rather just let my husband go be with someone else in fear that I’d never be able to make him a father. I feel weak sometimes but I just want to encourage you with some scriptures that have helped me.
    Psalm 84:11 For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
    Psalm 113:9 He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD! Deuteronomy 7:14 You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall not be a male or female barren among you or among your livestock. Exodus 23:26 There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. Don’t forget Hannah, Sarah and Rebekah it seems that your already confident in God’s ability to give you a child. Don’t give up on God I know everything will work out for you if you trust God. He has a plan for you “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
    I understand your struggle but God knows the desires of your heart and hears your prayers.

    • Thank you Ashley for you’re wonderful scriptures as I know God can and will keep His promise. I will keep my head up high, and I pray that all things work for you, and that your post is found as a relief to our fertility sisters struggling…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 6,856 other followers

%d bloggers like this: