Impossibly Winning!!


“Did you save them did you save both ovaries?” I asked my doctor groggy, discombobulated, and in pain. I fell back to sleep before I could even hear her answer. Oh my gosh the soreness the heaviness I felt in my stomach after this surgery to remove the cyst on my ovaries was hard to bear through. It hurt, but I couldn’t help but try to be strong, and not get beaten by this surgery, but to beat it. I remember that day so clear like it was yesterday. I went to the doctor after my shocking scan after my car accident where I would there find out that I had a 7cm cyst on one ovary and a 12cm cyst on the other ovary. Which when you first hear that you think oh just 7cm well apparently your ovary it’s self is only about 1cm so you can imagine the shock the doctors had, and the immediate fear I had.

It seemed like quickly my life spun rapidly. I was hearing about my cyst one day, and two days later I was being prepped for surgery. Now don’t get me wrong. I am strong but in that moment I was afraid this was a surgery that could ultimately ruin my biggest dream for the rest of my life. So I prayed, and prayed that life wouldn’t take me, but that I would fight for life. After all I had promised my unborn children that I would fight for them. Being diagnosed with PCOS was a difficult thing to deal with, but I knew that with God nothing is impossible, and even though I had the condition that didn’t mean that God couldn’t heal me, and it didn’t mean that God couldn’t bring me my beautiful babies.

So let me share with you a little bit about PCOS. It is a condition and it stands for Polycystic Ovarian syndrome PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a common hormonal disorder in women that interferes with the growth and release of eggs from the ovaries, or ovulation. It is the most common cause of infertility among women.  It’s just not talked about as much as I believe it should be. PCOS occurs when a woman’s body overproduces sex hormones, called androgens. The hormone imbalance prevents fluid-filled sacs in the ovaries from breaking open and releasing mature eggs. The fluid-filled sacs bunch together, causing many tiny cysts, but in my case they form very large cyst. Symptoms of PCOS include missed periods, abnormal facial and body hair growth, acne, and weight gain. PCOS may run in families (Webmd.com).

Typically PCOS is treated with birth control. “Hello I am trying to get pregnant, and meanwhile you have told me that the only way to treat this condition is giving me a pill that prevents pregnancy.” How frustrating can this be? I want to have my baby, and I want to at least try with my husband. I don’t want to be on birth control there has to be a better way. Before I break down because of this condition I will talk to the doctor she must have a plan. She just has to. I research over and over, and all I keep finding is birth control birth control and more birth control. Well before I could ever even start a treatment plan toward fertility or away from it I had to be rushed into the hospital to have surgery to remove both cyst, and that was with the hope that my ovaries would stay in tack.

I was told by the doctor that she would try her absolute best to save both ovaries, and just remove the cyst, so going to sleep I was hoping both ovaries would be saved. I wouldn’t wake up with any different news. I remember praying so hard before my surgery please God save both of my ovaries please God. I was 23 at the time and all I could do was cry out to God. PCOS is such a paralyzing condition there is nothing you can really do, but put it in God’s hands, and hope for the best. So there I was looking at my doctor under what seem to be the brightest light in the world, and I closed my eyes, and prayed myself to sleep. I was then putting my 7cm and 12cm cyst in my doctor’s hands, and I could hear her praying for me as I dozed off.

I woke up from the surgery to find myself in pain, and just wanting to know did they save both ovaries, and no one would answer me. I went on to thank my friends, and family for praying for me, and believing both ovaries were saved. Suddenly my sister came in earlier then she said she was, and then my mom wouldn’t leave my side. I quickly realized things didn’t go the way I thought, but yet and still no one would tell me what went on. Then on a Friday morning both my general practitioner and new OBGYN came to my house, and shared with me my soon to be reality. In that moment it seemed that everything was going in slow motion. My doctor pulled out pictures from the surgery, and it looked like a science experiment gone really wrong.

She began to talk about the surgery in what was a very casual voice. She dropped a bomb on me in the middle of the conversation that I felt stab me like dirty jagged edge knife in the pit of my soul. “There was so much scar tissue on the tube on the left and the ovary on the left they were so severely damaged that we were not able to save it.” The silence of the room became so clear that all I could hear were the tears sliding softly down my face. I knew what was coming. I didn’t want to believe it and I didn’t want to hear it, but it came anyway.

“Getting pregnant naturally is not in the cards for you and we will have to consider IVF in the future if you want to get pregnant.” My doctor basically said in a nutshell.

I was angry I wanted to be normal I wanted to get pregnant the normal way. IVF was an invasion of my privacy, and life. I wanted to have my own personal success. I began to cry I went to the old doctors I told them something was wrong, and they assured me it was all in my head. Now I have one ovary, one tube, and a uterus, and a very low possibility of getting pregnant. I am not this girl right? I just couldn’t be that girl taking care of other people’s children, and living vicariously through them, and having no chance of sharing this joy with a kid of my own. I can’t be that girl. Well I am I am that girl. I was comforted by spiritual prayer after scripture, but the one thing that I remember to this day that my doctor said. I asked her “So I can’t get pregnant naturally?” She replied “It’s not impossible, it’s just not probable.” That is all I needed because from the moment I knew with God all things are possible, and probable even in the most impossible measures.

The oldest woman of our time to get pregnant was 70 years old. I don’t want to be 70 pregnant with my first child, but that is just a true testament of what God is truly capable of. He can make the barren give birth even now. He can make the blind see. You see the point is God is in the ministry of miracles, and He doesn’t have business hours he doesn’t open and close. He hasn’t answered your prayer yet, but that doesn’t mean He won’t answer it. Our God is in the business of making impossible probable, and He can turn your storm all the way around. Consider the things He has brought you through this far the miracles that he has performed already, and stand on that alone. You can’t give up that is just what the devil wants you to do. If you fight then God will be right there with you. The impossible isn’t impossible it just takes a little longer for it to happen. I won’t let the devil put me in a hiding place he has already lost the battle he is just hitting you for sport. REMEMBER YOU’RE ALREADY WINNING JUST DON’T GIVE UP THE FIGHT!!

18 thoughts on “Impossibly Winning!!”

  1. Wow! Your story resonates with my own. Though I have not lost an ovary or been diagnosed with PCOS, I have “undiagnosed infertility” and have not ovulated since I was 15. The last two years of trying to get pregnant have been one of the most severe testing of my faith – and it isn’t over. I’m still believing God for the “impossible” and the “improbable.” Recently, I started a blog to document the journey and bring women together to pray and struggle together. My other blog acupofbliss was too public, too widely read to share the cry of my heart – the cry for a baby. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. May the Lord make the impossible come true in your body!

  2. As I read ur post tears fill my eyes. It is infortunate that this condition rob so many women and go often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for me I went through a series of test knowing something was off but to my dismay what was it I often questioned in 2005 I was diagnosed. I went to under go a series of test, waited and then bam this is how my call went! You have PCOS. I said ok not know what in the world was going on! Now as I tried to find out no one had time to explain I grew weary, tired, frustrated all the above I wasn’t TTC at the moment so I let go! I’ve had cyst rupture leaving me to feel as if I had been stabbed repeatedly, surgeries to remove cyst only to grow back, procedures to check the patentcy of my tubes you name it I’ve had it. My husband and I have a daughter trying for #2 going for second round of IVF soon you are my HERO! THANKS FOR BEING OPEN AND REAL! LY!

  3. I didn’t suffer from PCOS but fibroids that caused my infertility and eventually loss of a tube and ovary to scar tissue as well. I am a RN who specialized in Women’s Health and the way you described waking up and realizing something was wrong was the same way I felt.
    There was no one around to share my pain and feelings with who really understood what I was going through. After assisting MD’s in various procedures for infertility many times it was quite different when it is was my own battle. You sharing your journey will help many women who feel that they are alone in this.
    Keep the faith and fight the good fight…I believe you can win this !

    1. I know I can win thank you it’s my desire to stay real to my story and to describe it to the best of my ability..I want so badly to let women know they are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps me to do just that!!

  4. Thanks for being so open and honest. According to my ob/gyn I do not have PCOS but there is a family history, I have documented ovarian cyst, I also have other symptoms that he explains away with one thing or another. He tells me there is no reason, on my side, I should not be able to get pregnant–until something works for us I will not believe that. I know God has a plan, I just know it has to be me that’s messing it up ;-)

    1. A women knows her body. I know I did. My first doc said the same thing it’s just scar tissue it wasn’t until later that I found out you can’t even see scar tissue on a sonogram. Trust your instincts get a second opinion. A lot of the time that’s all you need. I pray you’re fine. Look into pre-seed I hear good things about that. God bless you..

  5. Wow! I defintely feel your pain. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for 3 years. Never thought it would take me this long to get pregnant. Didn’t know a thing about infertility, I just knew I would be pregnant before my 1st year anniversary. After a year of trying I decided to get tested. My test results were fine it was my husband that had issues with his sperm. Our Dr. wanted us to try Iui first so we did 3 rounds. I was a nervous wreck. I was able to get pregnant, but we lost the baby soon after. I was so hurt! When I found out I was losing the baby my husband was on a business trip. I refused to tell him what happened. I felt so bad lying to him but I wanted him to focus on his job. After round 3 failed I told my husband I wanted to take a break. Treatments were starting to take over my life. I told my husband I’m willing to try again I just have to get my mind and body ready for IVF. Thank you for sharing your story.

    1. It’s definitely an emotional task I understand try to hang in there. Trust God He will come through. Get your body ready eating healthy,water, pre-natal vitamins. Continue to know your not a lone I’m in this with you and so are these other wonderful women. Don’t hide your struggles from your husband that’s the easiest way for the devil to isolate you from the person that God picked to hold you up. You and your husband are in this together you have to lean on each other. God bless you!!

  6. Cora, u have no idea how am grateful to God for you starting this blog. I have been through a surgery to remove a cycst…and i can tell i know what it is to go in a theatre and ask the doctor, please save my ovary. I am a young woman too but not yet married. I prayed to God to just remove the cyst by a miracle but it didnt go away. I had one in my left side ovary. the doctor encouraged me that i would still be able to conceive even with one ovary, i told him to do everything in his power to save my ovary. I am glad he didnt have to remove it. That was in 2008 december. Ever since i have had fears if i felt any unusual pain in my abdomen. I couldnt imagine being told that the cycst was recurring. I am glad it hasnt and praying that I will be able to conceive naturally when the time comes. I am praying for you dear. Be encouraged. You are strong woman. For you to have started this blog, u dont know how many people have been suffering in silence that you are helping to know that we are all fight for each other. You are such a woman of faith!!!

    1. The hard part about fighting is that it is tiring, and it hurts. No one won a battle without getting a few bruises and scraps a long the way. Jesus got beaten for our inequities, and spit on, and chastised, and He died to win the fight. Sometimes you have to be willing to take the bruises and pain that comes with the outcome of your blessing because if you aren’t willing you will end up giving up before you get your promise. Hang in there and keep pushing because after you win the fight you have to go through more labor to get the promise. All things come with a process, and sometimes that process is tiring and hurts, but a process it still is. Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not to thine own understanding, and I promise He said it. He will direct your path. Fighting with you, and getting tired with you also, but we are gonna win at the end of the day. Consider your trials behind you that you thought you wouldn’t make it through and look at you now. Use your passed winning to win again. God bless you. Make sure you also continue to take care of your body, and prepare yourself for what is to come rather it is natural pregnancy, adoption, surrogacy, hysterectomy, ovary removal. What ever your story turn out to be trust God for the best thing, and prepare yourself for it. Here for you. Sorry for the late response some kind of way you ended up in my spam folder.

  7. Hi Cora,

    May I encourage you from the other end. My Mom had a surgery in her early 20′s and they took one of her ovaries as well. They told her would not be able to have children. She prayed for me for 10 years and God answered that prayer – even with one ovary. She said I always knew God saved me one ovary for a reason. I am now 34 years old and my Mom says all the time, I was right on time in God’s perfect timing. I can’t begin to explain all the ways God timed my arrival perfectly. Had I been here 5 years earlier, things wouldn’t have been right. Had I arrived 5 years later, things would be way off. I am my Mother’s one and only miracle child from 1 ovary. Just like God did it for my Mama, I am believing in prayer for God to use your one ovary mightily to produce your heir(s) and get even more glory.

    God Bless you on your journey Cora. May God honor His word in your life and cause you to be fruitful and multiply!

    Love In Christ,
    Alexis

    1. Thank you for your words of encouragment I know that God will do it for me in whatever way He does it I am open to receive I am fighting and I am going to win may my post read as encouragment to those struggling, and getting tired of the fight fight fight fight and we are going to win. God bless you!!

  8. I am shocked to see just how many people have the same struggles as I have had. I have been married for 4 years although I have been with him for 8. I was diagnosed with PCOS a few months before we started dating and was put on birth control. I always knew I wanted to be a mom one day and although the doctor said from the point of diagnosis I would have to jump through hoops to get there id do whatever it takes. I have had personal struggles and marital struggles and a feeling that I’m less of a woman because I haven’t conceived yet. I have even gone as far to feel that I’d rather just let my husband go be with someone else in fear that I’d never be able to make him a father. I feel weak sometimes but I just want to encourage you with some scriptures that have helped me.
    Psalm 84:11 For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
    Psalm 113:9 He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD! Deuteronomy 7:14 You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall not be a male or female barren among you or among your livestock. Exodus 23:26 There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. Don’t forget Hannah, Sarah and Rebekah it seems that your already confident in God’s ability to give you a child. Don’t give up on God I know everything will work out for you if you trust God. He has a plan for you “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
    I understand your struggle but God knows the desires of your heart and hears your prayers.

    1. Thank you Ashley for you’re wonderful scriptures as I know God can and will keep His promise. I will keep my head up high, and I pray that all things work for you, and that your post is found as a relief to our fertility sisters struggling…

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