The Lost Sorry

Suddenly your world changes in an instant in that one phone call, email, or text message. It’s funny how life can change in an instant, and you are not given an opportunity to go back or to fix what was broken. You stay angry with a person because you take advantage of the fact that you will have the opportunity to fix it any time, and you get the call that they died in a car accident or were murdered, and you live with the guilt because you lost your ability to forgive them, and then forgive yourself. Today I want to talk to you about the lost sorry. We all go through problems and issues in life, and before we let go we allow bitterness, anger, and hatred to develop in our hearts all because we lack the ability to forgive, and then to forgive ourselves.

 

What if I told you that it is because of your inability to say sorry, and to forgive yourself that you are not getting what you are praying for? What if I told you that it is your bitterness within that has built instead of your strength in yourself and in God? We as people have come to believe that it’s easy to hate, but it is much harder to forgive, but most people find it easy to hate others because of their lack of love for themselves. This is not an infertility blog; this is a regular post me talking to you about you not being able to move forward because of the roadblocks and bitterness that you have placed in front of you. What if the greatness of the promise that you are looking for isn’t being given because of your inability to learn how to love yourself and forgive yourself so that you can forgive others?

 

What if you have learned how to hate yourself so well that you project it onto everything that you touch? How can God bless you if you are sitting in hate? How can God fix you when you have become comfortable with being broken? How can you get to the top of your destiny when you are still resting in the bottom, and that has become your normal? So people know you as the mean one, bitter one, hateful one all because you haven’t been able to find love in yourself. Sometimes we allow the things we have done in the past to make our future instead of allowing our past to teach our future. You are not able to take a step forward if you won’t let go of what happened behind you. So you then sit in your bitter ways, and your hateful ways, and then wonder why you don’t have everything you wished for. Why you have to stay in a place where you aren’t happy, loved, or wanted.

 

You wonder why you haven’t gotten the promotion or the invite to certain places, and it because you have allowed your bitter to be your normal. I want to talk to you today about what you feel your worth is. Because when you find out what you are worth then the value of the things you deal with, and involve yourself with things will change, and when your surroundings change then your life can change. Often you will see people with low self-esteems are the ones who don’t have much, but it’s people who have confidence, determination, value, and fight that gain everything. When you can love yourself in spite of what you can’t do then you can do anything. I am reminded of Peter and his trust in God when He told him to come Peter could have easily said well I have never walked on water, I can’t walk on water, but he believed God and he went, and the minute that he doubted he started to sink.

That’s what’s happening to you right now you are standing in the boat contemplating whether you can do something when God said come, and because you started with doubt when you step out into the water you will sink. I challenge you to develop your trust in God and your God confidence so that you don’t sink in opportunities that could be won if you were confident. I challenge you to believe in yourself in whatever God is calling you to even if in another area things aren’t working out. When my husband and I found out that it would be hard for us to get pregnant, and we went through our first IVF cycle and it failed.

 

I could have easily said well that’s it no more, but I had God confidence, and I said God has called me to be a mother so even though I can not birth right now does not mean that I am not capable to perform greatness and win in another way, and my husband and I adopted. When you have God confidence you can’t go anywhere but up. You can’t be stopped, and you won’t allow the bitterness of the past to control the power you have for your future. What is God confidence? It’s exactly that if God is living in me and I have confidence in God then I can do anything if He is living in me. Therefore I have God confidence. Don’t wallow in bitterness stand in better because as long as you don’t allow yourself to forgive from the outside in you can’t win. Don’t lose your blessing because you have lost your sorry. I’m a winner because I choose to step away from my bitter place into better.

Lose yourself to be Loosed!!

So it’s been a long time, and to be honest I do not know where to begin. Well Guys I have been waiting to share this with you. The reason why is I was going through my own emotions about it, and God just settled in my spirit what, and why. Well my hubby and I decided to go through IVF again this past month, and we went through a new fertility clinic, new doctor, and new place. I was very excited, hopeful, and just overwhelmed with confirmation. I believed God for this in a whole new way.

I did everything I was supposed to I started acupuncture a month early twice a week every week, got my vitamin D level up, ate the pineapple core from the day of the transfer for five days, bed rest, and no fun time with the husband until the doctors approval, anointed my womb with oil, and everything. I was so ready for this baby, and possibly two babies. I was excited about what God was going to do, and of course I had select people praying for us.  Looking back I know now that I should have been quieter. Listen to God the first time people.

I do not care what anyone says a woman knows she just knows in the pit of her stomach when something isn’t right. The night before I was scheduled to take my pregnancy test just a wave of nerves, and fear came over me. I felt extremely heavy and emotionally sad. Just like the first time during our IVF I asked them to call my husband with bad news, and me with good news. Didn’t really help because my husband was with me all day, and so when his phone rang I would jump.

February 17th my husband received the call that my test was negative, and yet again it did not work. I thought it would hurt less my husband telling me, but it didn’t it still hurt. It was still devastating. My immediate emotion was sad, and angry. I had received so many prayers, prophecies, and confirmation signs. I could not believe that it did not work. I was devastated, but not broken. Yes you read correctly; I was not broken. I wanted to crawl under a rock, and cry yes.

Then I realized that is exactly what the enemy wanted me to do. My faith was shaken, and my trust in God in general was shaken, but instead of losing it I prayed for God to get me through it. I prayed for God to strengthen my faith in Him. I prayed for God to get me through the anger, and I told God I was angry, and I felt like He didn’t care about me, and I was hurt again. I asked. Why? I did even though you aren’t supposed to ask God why I did.

In the moment of my tears and despair I decided okay so what now. If you stay here and you cry your eyes out are they going to call and tell you that you are pregnant? No! If you stay here and be depressed is it going to change anything? No! I had to understand that though my emotion was valid it was not able to change my situation. Sometimes we allow ourselves to think that our emotions can change the situation and it can’t the only thing that can change my situation is God.

At the end of the day I could have eaten a thousand pineapple cores, and went three thousand months early to acupuncture, but if God did not want it to work it just wasn’t going to work. All things work in God’s timing. Then I realized this is my ministry. Help while hurting; heal while broken, reach out while fighting because someone believes they can’t help until they are healed.

I understood that if the IVF worked I would not be effective in my ministry. I would not be able to push my sisters, and encourage you all that there is ministry in your breaking. I know it’s hard to stay encouraged when you are fighting, but I want you to understand that just because you are fighting does not mean can’t speak. The fight is not over until God says it is over, and you are capable of winning. The thing about a fight is there are many rounds, and there is no telling what round you are in today.

I understand that my fight continues because I need to be able to show you all that you can help people while fighting, and you can minister while hoping for God to turn things around for you. You don’t have to wait to have it all together for God to use you. The thing we fail to realize is that Jesus died on the cross. He was whipped, bleeding, crushed, and hurting in front of us, and His life in that moment was a ministry. God used His crushing to save people. If Jesus’s life is a ministry then we can’t just take the pretty parts we have to take all of the parts, and though He was beaten and crushed He became a king after His beating after his crushing.

You have to go through a crushing period in order to get to your royal period. I am sad some days, but I am a fighter everyday, and at the end of the day I know God gave me a yes for my son. He did not tell me a time, but He gave me a yes, and I will fight with that yes. I decided to fall in love with my life before God could bless me with another one. Some of us are praying for our blessing when we haven’t fallen in love with the blessing God gives us everyday the blessing of life.  The blessing to keep fighting. Every day I wake up is another day I get to fight for Nehemiah.

I decided to work on falling in love with me and the Jesus in me. I decided to start enjoying me before asking God to give me something else to enjoy. If I can delight myself in Him then He will grant me the desires of my heart. Don’t believe me? The Bible says, “If you delight yourself in Him He will grant you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) Most people only pay attention to the He will grant you the desires of your heart part, but they skip the first step.

So I asked God to help me get a revelation out of that, and I want to share it with you. If you delight yourself in Him first then He will grant you the desires of your heart. Now watch this you are probably saying how do we do that Cora? This is how if Jesus is living on the inside of you then begin to nurture yourself with the Word. Begin to love on yourself. Begin to know Jesus for yourself first before asking for your desires. Because the blessing comes when you can delight yourself in Him.

When I know Jesus I know me. When I seek Jesus I will find myself. This is my hope for you that Jesus is living so deep on the inside of you that in order for your blessing to come you must learn to love the Jesus that is in you. You have to tap into the Jesus in you in order to unlock the blessings that He holds in His hands. You must delight yourself in Jesus.

Now Google defines delight as “please (someone) greatly” now break that down if you “please greatly yourself in Jesus then He will grant you the desires of your heart.”  Begin to become pleased with yourself in Jesus begin to develop a great pleasure in your relationship with God, and then He will grant you the desires of your heart. I was sad, and I thought that Jesus had forgotten about me, and I wanted to know why, and I got it now.

I must be pleased with myself in Jesus in order for Him to bless me. Are you pleased with yourself in Jesus? Are you asking for a blessing and you haven’t developed a relationship with Jesus? Job got blessed because of his relationship with God, and he delighted himself in Christ, and he got more then what he asked for.  So instead of me wallowing in what I didn’t get I will start to get close to the blessing God gave me.

I have to get closer to the Jesus living in me, and I will keep fighting for my promise, but not without delighting myself in Jesus first. Let me end by saying this I challenge you to lose (loose) yourself in Jesus. That’s when you can truly surrender to God’s will for your life. People say that all the time I surrender all, but in their heart they are hoping God’s will is what they desire. When you can truly say God I trust that whatever you have planned for me is better then what I have thought of.

When you can surrender your life and your will to God then you are protected, and your desire truly can come. When Jesus was on the cross and He looked up and He said “it is finished” that is when He was released from the pains of His open wounds, from His thirst, and that is when He became King of Kings. When He surrendered God freed Him from His pain. When you are going through pain, sadness, and hurt it is in your surrendering that God frees you. Lose yourself in Jesus and when you lose yourself in Jesus and surrender in Jesus then you can be loosed.

My story is not over it has only just begun, but I am challenged to fall in love with me, and in that if I fall in love with the Jesus in me then I know that God will grant me the desires of my heart.  Not only will He grant me my desires He will protect me from the hurts and pains of this world. For the Bible says “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalms 91:1). I have decided to rest. I have decided to surrender, and instead of hoping God’s will matches with my desire I have asked that my desire match up with God’s will. Love you guys!!

Are You Ready, Dear?

Are You Ready, Dear?

 

            You listen to all the exciting news around you, waiting for your turn to come. You are excited for everyone, leaping for joy, but there is still a pain inside you as you await the arrival of the promise God spoke over your life. It’s easy to get depressed if He said that it would be here and it’s not. However, instead of being depressed, I’d like to ask you a question: Are you ready? Three years ago, I was an eager 23-year-old awaiting the chance of a lifetime. I had it all planned—my goal, my promise. My passion was to become a birth mom.

 

But how could I be ready when I was eating junk, not working out and drinking soda? Two weeks before IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) came up, I started relaxing and trying to lose weight as quickly as possible. I was so eager and excited that I went ahead of God and worked on my own timing. Things didn’t work out as I had planned. The Lord sat me down for a bit. It was in my time-out that I had to look at listen to God when He said, “Cora, your story is unique. Yours won’t be like everyone else’s.”  Nevertheless, I was still devastated and I didn’t really adhere to His message.

 

 That’s when my sister stepped in. “Cora, we weren’t ready. Now we can work on getting you healthy and prepare to try again. Don’t be upset. We will be ready next time.”  I was angry, but I understood what she was saying. I needed to prepare. I had to realize I wasn’t ready. I thought everyone else gets pregnant easily and that IVF would be a breeze. Again, God’s words came—“Your testimony isn’t like the others.” Suddenly, it hit me. I’m not like everyone else.

 

It makes sense, and it’s quite simple. God has called you to something greater than your surroundings and circumstances. Because of that, your fight will be different. Each of us must do things differently to achieve “normal”. So you sit in your time-out, and realize that your promise—though it means everything in the world to you—is normal. But the route you walk is different.

 

Your end-game is the same as that of many other women, be they infertile or fertile or really anyone who has ever had a dream. And, as I sit here typing, I realize that it’s not the blessing the enemy is afraid of. He is afraid of the courage that it takes you to walk toward it. You are an overcomer simply because you are walking and stepping over the roadblocks he is placing before your feet. What if I told you the blessing isn’t what God is testing you for, but rather your walk as you proceed toward it?

 

 When you are about to run a marathon, you don’t begin training the day of. You prepare your body months ahead of time—sometimes years. Your competitors are not worried about the day of the race or how you arrive at the finish line. They are worried about how hard you trained to get to the finish line, because that determines your tenacity and whether or not you will even finish!

 

Your blessing may not be here because you have stopped training instead of continuing to walk. You need to keep training until game day. Your practice is what the enemy is trying to stop—not the main event. This is the secret I finally understand. The power of God in you is stronger then the devil trying to stop your training time. Stop worrying about what you don’t have in your hands, and prepare for what God has already claimed for you.

 

It’s really simple. The Bible says the devil is already defeated. He can’t fight what is already yours. He fights your ability to get there. It makes so much sense that the enemy will come in like a flood. Whenever he comes, he is attempting to stifle your ability to receive what God already has for you. He isn’t fighting you for your blessing. He is fighting you for your walk. Keep going!

 

Our blessing—our end-game is a finish line in the race we all are running. We all have on the same outfit or uniform, but what makes you so amazing is how you trained. What makes you a winner is that you prepared. So here is your first fertility faith challenge of 2014: I challenge you to not stop simply because you don’t have the blessing in your hand. Rather, keep pushing. Keep training. That is why the enemy is angry. He doesn’t want you to continue. It’s not about your blessing. It’s about you traveling the different path toward your blessing. So, dear, the only question now is, “Are you ready?”   

I’m a Best Seller

 

               I am afraid of where I stand. I don’t know what to do. What is going to happen next? I have no control of this. That is something I am sure we all say as we stand in the middle of our struggle our storm as we stand in the middle waiting for an answer from a question that you have asked the Lord. We wonder what is God doing, and it places us in a paralyzing fear, and an uncontrollable feeling. I am writing this for the person who is standing in fear, the person who doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. This is for the person who feels out of control of where they are standing. I know this feeling oh to well because when I got diagnosed with infertility it was a very uncontrollable feeling, and I didn’t know what to do or what was going to happen next. I was shaken and broken. I was lost and confused. Truth be told I was devastated, and faithless. Yes I said it faithless in the midst of my storm.

               It’s hard to stand with God when you don’t know what He is doing. We often feel like we have to have control over our lives instead of giving God the ultimate control. When you feel like you are doing the right thing, praying, fasting, and reading your word, and some how the storm still comes. When you feel like you are in the perfect spot for a blessing and you have done everything that God has told you to do, and you are still being shaken. I could give you a bunch of cliché scriptures. “Trust in the Lord with all thy might and lean not to thy own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3: 5-6” “No weapon formed against you shall prosper. Isaiah 54:7” I won’t do that instead I will tell you that your pain is for a purpose, and that you are not suppose to have control, but instead you are to yield to God’s plan for your life no matter how scared you are.

               Sometimes God places us in uncontrollable positions in order for Him to gain control. You are in this because it is apart of the story that He has written for your life. You could end up being God’s best seller or you could end up being left on the shelf. I am writing to tell you that you are just the character to a story that God is about to make a best seller. Your testimony is about to move mountains for other people, and for you. You are to stand in the last moments of this month as a best seller. You are to stand in the last moments of this month knowing that God is writing your win, and that you will overcome. You are to stand in the last moments of this month as a conqueror, and you will not allow fear or the fear of rejection to detour you from being great. So from this day and all of next year get ready to be a winner. Get ready to be a best seller. Because God is writing your story and trust me THIS IS A BIG DEAL!!    

This is a Big Deal!!

               She wiped away her tears as she looked at the calendar, and days began to dwindle down. She knew God said that she would walk into the New Year carrying her son, but she just wasn’t sure it’s November 13, 2013 and she is panicking she is about to ovulate, but what if it just doesn’t happen. She can’t stop worrying, and she begins to talk to God, and creates back up plans. “If I don’t get pregnant before the end of the year then I will just try in March” she says. “If it doesn’t happen then it wasn’t God I heard, and it was just me.” She says. Her baby fever rising inside of her she is so prepared and ready for her baby that it’s hard to even hear about pregnancy, and it not be her. She has the nursery the cribs, and even outfits, but still she waits in silence hoping that God will grant her the promise He spoke over her. Suddenly she is jolted by a still voice in the pit of her soul. “I AM THE LORD GOD, AND I SAID IN THIS SEASON I WOULD GRANT YOU THE PROMISES I HAVE SPOKEN OVER YOU.” She suddenly is at peace as she hears the Lord, and she knows that He hasn’t forgotten her, and His word can’t come back void.

               She must have faith that her relationship with God is so strong that it was truly His voice she heard. She must believe that God can bypass all the medical conditions, and perform a true miracle. She must believe God in away that is scary for her because it has been so long, and nothing has happened. She must believe God that His promise is true, and that it will happen in this season. She can not waver although it is hard, and she is breaking at the sound of every bad news she receives. She can not waver although she doesn’t want to have to go through fertility treatments to gain what God says is hers. She can not waver in deaths of the family, and in the face of the calendar she must believe God. 

               I wrote this to tell you that God has not forgotten about you He is still in the business of miracles, and if He said this season then it will be this season, and if He says next year it will be next year. Wait on the Lord, and be in good cheer because He is ordering your steps for such a time as this. Do not waver in God’s word, but believe God. Do not lose faith when the bad news comes, but believe God. The bigger the bad news the greater the miracle when God shows out. I used to go to the doctor and I would have amazing faith, and they would place the scan on me, and they would say “oh there is the cyst”, and immediately I would get discouraged. I would get sad, and angry. I would want to know God why won’t you show them that you healed my body? Why won’t you show that you are my true redeemer? It was in that moment that I realized the more bad news I received the greater my testimony when God showed His glory. You see we want big miracles and small storms when God wants your storm to match your big miracle. You are not losing because He said you couldn’t win you are losing because God needs your victory to be greater then the doctor’s report.

               Sometimes God has to position you in His perfect will in order to promote you to your desire. Sometimes God has to wait for the enemies around you to move in order to move in you. God claimed your promise for you before the foundations of this world. He is holding it in His hands, and when you are in your perfect spot He will place it in your hands. Stop panicking, stressing, and planning for it not to come release yourself to the will of God, and allow Him to move in you. He is still moving things in order to bless you. Prepare for the storms they will come, but know that just because the storm comes doesn’t mean that the promise is delayed. It just means God is making your breakthrough bigger. I am writing to tell you that your time is not running out God is simply positioning you, and what He said will happen will indeed happen. You are a testimony, and your storm must match where you are going. The bigger your storm the bigger your ministries don’t ask God for something big, and think you will have little storms.  He is positioning you to His perfect will and it won’t be easy, but you are about to win. I wiped my tears away, and stood tall in the doctor’s office, and when they presented me with bad news I would not get discouraged. I would say man this is a big deal!!   

The Rewards in the Fire

 

           “We have bad news.” The doctor says with sadness in her voice, and in that moment I take a deep breath, and quickly remind myself to trust God. I know to trust God, but in this moment; I am angry. Why does this keep happening? Can I just get one break? Can I get good news for me? What about me? In that moment where your life is shaky and you don’t know if God remembers that you are His child. You begin to bring up the scriptures you remember,” no weapon formed against me, you said you would give me the desires of my heart.” I want to win just this one time. I will tell you I have been through all those emotions and more recently then you think. You will go through the whirlwinds of life, and you will want to give up, and you will think maybe if I live in the world like my “friends” who keep getting blessed then that will get me to my blessings, and trust me I have thought of all of that too. You begin to fill broken time after time, and you are searching for answers, and it seems like God is quiet and you are somehow disconnected and don’t know how you got there.

While reading my word I came across this scripture Matthew 6:6 and it totally hit me it says But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” In that moment I realized what God needed from me in order to gain everything that I have prayed for, and that was to go into a secret place. God wanted me to be by myself alone with Him in order to reward me, and then I went on to more revelation. I was able to see in that time alone with God is where God can give you direction, peace, clarity, and purpose. It’s in that secret place that you find the answer to what God has for you. It’s in that secret place where God can push you into the rightful place He has for you.

I suddenly connect that God is sending me through the fire and the struggle in order to get me to the secret place. I had fallen so far into what the world’s results were that I forgot what God’s results were. I forgot who my true doctor was, and I forgot scriptures that say “Seek and you will find, by His stripes I am healed, and the trials come to bring endurance.” I understood that a decision to trust, and believe God was not going to be easy, but I knew that I gained my healing, promise, purpose, and protection when I became a child of the King. I realized that when I made a decision to believe God that no weapon formed could attack me, and that I had authority and power, and it was the fire that got me to this point of understanding that my power is in me and God has me covered. I realized in that moment that God broke me to restore me.

I say this to tell you that the storm will come, the bad news will hurt, and you will go through hard times, but it is in the secret place that God can deliver, and strengthen you to get through those times. It’s your intimate relationship with God as His child that will make you stand the fire. Moses had to go to the mountain alone before God could speak to him clearly, and give him direction. It was when Shadrach, Meeshach, and Abindego were in the fire where their faith was tried, and they began to seek God, and that is why they didn’t get burnt. Are you able to turn your fire into a secret place where you begin to cry out, and strengthen your faith and relationship with God? That the doctor may come with bad news, and you feel the fire rising, but you begin to speak to God in a private place, and pray to Him. Are you able to see your storm as God courting you to a stronger belief and faith in Him? Is it possible that God is breaking you to restore you to Him that you might be whole when He does choose to give you your promises; that have been spoken over your life? See most of this is basic information that I am sure some of you may have already known, but as I take the time to minister to myself I will be transparent with you all. I will tell you that there were times my faith was shaken, and I truly felt like God forgot about me, that He was punishing me, and then I went into a secret place, and God was able to get to me. Sometimes you go too far out and God can’t get to you. Sometimes you fall so much into the world, bad news, articles, and doctors that you forget the controller of the world, the author of all good news, and the doctor of all doctors. Sometimes you are placed in the fire just so that God can hear you cry out His name.

When you can yield yourself to your faith in God then He can move in your fire. It is not that He has left you it’s not that He is punishing you He’s breaking you to restore you, and He is trying to get you to the secret place with Him. The Bible says that God will grant you the desires of your heart, but what is in your heart? If you are choosing to let the weight of the world burn you. Is your heart filled with doubt of the promise? Is your heart filled with fear that God is not hearing you? Because what you consume your heart with becomes your desire. Turn your fire into your secret place. I was writing this, and listening to Jonathan McReynolds, and his song “No Longer” came on. I had never heard it before, and it ministered to me in a real way the choruses simply say.

No longer, (will I let the world influence me),
No longer (will the devil have control of me),
No longer, (will I let my flesh keep me weak),
Cuz I’m Yours God,
And I’m turning the page of my life.

No longer, (will anyone make me lose my sleep),
No longer, (will I stress, or fret, or fuss, or worry),
No longer, (will I let the situation change me),
I’m Yours God,
And I’m turning the page of my life.

My challenge for you today is to turn the page and no longer let the enemy make you feel like God is not above your struggle. Don’t let the situations of the world change your faith in Gods promise for you. I challenge you to turn your fire into your secret place, because the moment you can look to God in the middle of the fire is when He can reward you. You need to go to your secret place for clarity, relationship, and direction. I speak this over your life because I believe you need to hear it. Keep meeting God in the secret place. It’s in that place where He will speak to you. He sent you through that struggle to strengthen you. Leave the past behind and walk forward in authority, and power for it is your season of growth everything you have sown this is your season to reap. This is your season to reap the promises that God has spoken over your life. You will find your new season, your reaping, and your promise in the secret place. Your fire was meant to turn your head away from the world, and onto God. Don’t worry about what the world says what did God say? What did God promise you? There is a reward in your fire.

The shrugged away promise.

 

“Your vitamin D level is low” The doctor said.

               I shrugged my shoulder and went on about my business of course its low I don’t have time for the sun. I went on about my life for years every year I would go to the doctor, and almost routinely she would say. “Your vitamin D level is low” and every time I would shrug and move on. So when I went to the fertility doctor I told them before they even drew my blood my vitamin d level is low, and they shook their heads and drew the blood and wouldn’t you know it my vitamin d level was low. I went through the IVF cycle, and it failed I was devastated that it didn’t work, but even more hurt to find out that none NOT ONE of my embryos were freezable.  A year later I went to the doctor to find out my body was fine no cyst on my ovaries everything was good, and I was ovulating so I could try to naturally conceive, and nothing happened. Two trials of clomid, and nothing happened. Tracking my ovulation, and nothing happened.

 

                I went to the doctor she says again my ovaries are fine, but I was still in a little pain, and felt like I was pregnant, she decided to do blood work. Of course I got the voicemail later saying “your vitamin d levels low” which of course I was used to hearing, but this time she paused, and said “I need to call in a prescription for you so what’s your pharmacy number please call us back.” I got a little nervous but thought to myself that’s ridiculous I will just get some over the counter you don’t need to prescribe me vitamin d pills. Thinking nothing of it I dismissed it, and started just taking vitamin d over the counter. I mean it’s only bone health right no big deal? So we kept trying to conceive and still nothing happened.

 

               Suddenly it began to play in my head over and over again “your vitamin d level is low” and just like that I decided to do my research, and much to my amazements there has been tons of research linked to infertility and vitamin d deficit . I was shocked and amazed because no one had ever set down, and told me how important it was for me to have my vitamin d level up for my fertility, and the guilt just poured in. All those years of shrugging my shoulders, and not taking it seriously could this be the key to bringing my child into the world, and I just didn’t even know it? I began to read many articles, and I was suddenly shaken into reality and a mixture of fear that vitamin d is not something to shrug your shoulder about, but I needed to really look into it.

 

               Article after article all saying how important vitamin d is to fertility. One of the things I read “A new report has shown that exposure to sunlight boosts fertility in both men and women by increasing their levels of vitamin D, a benefit that appears to work on multiple levels.” (Vitamin D May Dramatically Improve Infertility. Dr. Mercola 2012). I was shocked as I continued to read this article as it went on to explain. “Among women, vitamin D appears to impact in vitro fertilization (IVF) outcomes, endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), the most common female endocrine disorder, as well as boost levels of progesterone and estrogen, which regulate menstrual cycles and improve the likelihood of successful conception”(Vitamin D May Dramatically Improve Infertility. Dr. Mercola 2012).

 

               I was shocked and amazed. These articles began to explain why nothing worked out, my tears, the IVF failures, the miscarriage, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything that is in you goes on to your child if your body is not producing healthy bone density, organs, and immunity then your child can’t develop into a healthy embryo, and  can’t attach to your uterus like she/he is supposed to. So I pulled up what could happen to pregnant women and their babies if they don’t correct their vitamin D intake. Continuing my search trying to get more knowledge on the links and what could happen without it. I pulled up a website called the bullet proof website. They listed some very problematic things for mothers, babies, and both that can happen with vitamin d insufficiency.

              

               For the Mother infertility, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, increased rate of c-section, and bacterial vaginosis those are extremely serious when trying to get pregnant or already pregnant you don’t want any of the above.  For the Baby it can cause small size (low birth weight), impaired growth, skeletal malformations, and sometimes brittle bones, seizures, hypocalcaemia (low bone density) and type-1 diabetes no one wants to risk that with their baby. It listed what could happen with both some of the things listed bone loss, hip fractures, suppressed immune response, impaired hormone formation, poor mood and agitated thoughts, and insulin resistance(PCOS symptom).( http://www.bulletproofexec.com/the-top-5-reasons-vitamin-d-makes-women-bulletproof/)

 

               These were just a few of the things, but it became so clear to me. I suddenly settled in my heart I wouldn’t want any of these complications so I needed to call my doctor, and I called her, and they checked the chart and my vitamin d level was 17.6 and it’s supposed to be between 36-100, and she prescribed me 50,000iuis a week for the next 12 weeks. I was happy to know that my body was about to get what it needed and that if this was what was causing my issues that it would be resolved, and that I could continue to live a happier healthier life. I started taking them two weeks ago, and I am already starting to feel better, my energy is up, my mood is better, it’s making a huge difference. It made me frustrated because no one told me how important it was when I was jumping through hoops to bring my child in the world, and then I spoke to my fertility sister, and she didn’t know how important it was either.

 

                So I thought I wonder how many women don’t know this COULD be one of the things preventing their promise. So I started a new journey of getting my vitamin d up, and losing weight to gain my promise. I challenge you to go back to the basics of health, and to make sure that you don’t shrug your shoulders out of getting your promise sooner then later. I don’t know if it’s the vitamin D that is stopping me from having my promise, but now that I have knowledge that it could be a factor I am working on it, and if it’s not the vitamin d at least I can rule that out, and I don’t look like I dropped the ball. The bible says that without knowledge the people perish, and for a long time I thought okay so that just means I need to have knowledge read my word, and learn and then I read deeper, and I realized that it’s not just directed at me, but it’s directed to me and my child. Without knowledge the people (you, your child, your children’s children, and your fertility sisters) perish. The journey you are going through is not simply meant for you to grow in faith, but it is so that you can give knowledge to the person who may be steps away from perishing.

 

               Your promise coming could be something as simple as sun, a healthy diet, or taking a multi-vitamin every day. Your promise coming could be something more serious, but what if it’s that simple. Are you shrugging your shoulders, and missing out on your promise. Is your body capable of producing a healthy embryo your child is whatever you have in you make sure you have what your child needs to come forth. I could blame the doctors, but the truth is I should have done the research far before getting to this point, and I should have asked how serious is it that my vitamin d level is up. I challenge you to make sure that you are completely ready before you are asking God to give you something that could cause your body, and your child’s body more harm then good. Listen to your doctor and do your research, and if you don’t know something ask.  

Decree, Declare, It’s Done!!

I know what you are thinking. Where has Cora been? I have been extremely busy, but I have not forgotten about you guys. I never want to write things that are not inspired. You all mean more to me then that. I want to speak today on the subject decree, declare, it’s done. Often times we end up in situations in life where we feel our dreams, purpose, and legacy will not be fulfilled. We are told as young children if you want to make God laugh tell him what you have planned. You grow up with a plan, and you never think about what happens if that plan doesn’t work out. “I’m going to be married by 25 first child at 30.” Is what you may say to yourself. While standing in your 30th birthday without a husband, or a child it’s easy to get down, and to start thinking God does not grant you the desires of your heart as He said in His word. I want to help you to understand that delays are not denials. Even more so I want you to get in the habit of knowing that God does not change his mind. What God said is for you is for you. Your job is to stand on the promise. When I got married; I thought that was all I needed to do in order for God to grant me my son. Turned out it took more than that.  I had to start preparing for him, and doing crazy faith things. One of the crazy faith things my husband and I did was get a bassinet made for his arrival. My question for you is how much are you willing to do to get God’s promise? Sometimes we must pray for God to grant us the discipline to do what we have to do in order to get the promise He declared for us. Faith without WORKS IS DEAD, which basically means you can ask for God to fulfill the promise, but if you aren’t willing to do the work it just won’t happen. It’s important in life that you be willing to invest in your promise from God in order for it to be revealed. It’s important that you be willing to love yourself enough to do the work to make your promise come to pass. This is more then fertility, babies, healing. This is finances, life, work, family, and etc. Are you willing to invest in yourself to do that work in order to get the promises you need and want in life? I have said it before if you are going to pray don’t worry, and if you are going to worry why pray. Why do I say this? I say it because often times we pray for the same thing over and, and over, and over, and over again as if God did not hear us the first time. This is a method of worry that stems from your inability to be patient, and wait for God’s answer. If God does not answer you in your time that does not mean He forgot or didn’t hear your prayer. You must be patient enough to wait on God’s yes during the time that it feels like He is going to say no. You are simply in a waiting zone. When we are little children we hear the ice cream truck coming. Most children went running to their mom to ask her for the money to go to the truck, during the time between your question and your moms yes or no is called the waiting zone. God has placed you in a waiting zone are you willing to stand and wait or will you complain, and walk away. I challenge you to wait for your yes, and during the time that you are waiting get prepared for the yes. Hold your hand out, and while you wait decree God’s promise, declare God’s promise, and know without a doubt that it is done. I stand in agreement with you that it is done, and all the bondage, shackles, and doubt you have I cast it out in the name of Jesus. You will conceive in the miraculous name of Jesus. You will have what God said in the name of Jesus. IT IS DONE!!

Thank you for reading until we meet again. It is not pregnancy that makes you a mother it is the nurturing love, protection, and prayers that you place in the children in your life that makes you a mother. We are all mothers it takes a village you are a momma in the village.I know what you are thinking. Where has Cora been? I have been extremely busy, but I have not forgotten about you guys. I never want to write things that are not inspired. You all mean more to me then that. I want to speak today on the subject decree, declare, it’s done. Often times we end up in situations in life where we feel our dreams, purpose, and legacy will not be fulfilled. We are told as young children if you want to make God laugh tell him what you have planned. You grow up with a plan, and you never think about what happens if that plan doesn’t work out. “I’m going to be married by 25 first child at 30.” Is what you may say to yourself. While standing in your 30th birthday without a husband, or a child it’s easy to get down, and to start thinking God does not grant you the desires of your heart as He said in His word. I want to help you to understand that delays are not denials. Even more so I want you to get in the habit of knowing that God does not change his mind. What God said is for you is for you. Your job is to stand on the promise. When I got married; I thought that was all I needed to do in order for God to grant me my son. Turned out it took more then that.  I had to start preparing for him, and doing crazy faith things. One of the crazy faith things my husband and I did was get a bassinet made for his arrival. My question for you is how much are you willing to do to get God’s promise? Sometimes we must pray for God to grant us the discipline to do what we have to do in order to get the promise He declared for us. Faith without WORKS IS DEAD, which basically means you can ask for God to fulfill the promise, but if you aren’t willing to do the work it just won’t happen. It’s important in life that you be willing to invest in your promise from God in order for it to be revealed. It’s important that you be willing to love yourself enough to do the work to make your promise come to pass. This is more then fertility, babies, healing. This is finances, life, work, family, and etc. Are you willing to invest in yourself to do that work in order to get the promises you need and want in life? I have said it before if you are going to pray don’t worry, and if you are going to worry why pray. Why do I say this? I say it because often times we pray for the same thing over and, and over, and over, and over again as if God did not hear us the first time. This is a method of worry that stems from your inability to be patient, and wait for God’s answer. If God does not answer you in your time that does not mean He forgot or didn’t hear your prayer. You must be patient enough to wait on God’s yes during the time that it feels like He is going to say no. You are simply in a waiting zone. When we are little children we hear the ice cream truck coming. Most children went running to their mom to ask her for the money to go to the truck, during the time between your question and your moms yes or no is called the waiting zone. God has placed you in a waiting zone are you willing to stand and wait or will you complain, and walk away. I challenge you to wait for your yes, and during the time that you are waiting get prepared for the yes. Hold your hand out, and while you wait decree God’s promise, declare God’s promise, and know without a doubt that it is done. I stand in agreement with you that it is done, and all the bondage, shackles, and doubt you have I cast it out in the name of Jesus. You will conceive in the miraculous name of Jesus. You will have what God said in the name of Jesus. IT IS DONE!!

Thank you for reading until we meet again. It is not pregnancy that makes you a mother it is the nurturing love, protection, and prayers that you place in the children in your life that makes you a mother. We are all mothers it takes a village you are a momma in the village. 

Officially Expecting!!

We woke up early in the morning and got dressed. We ate breakfast jumped in the car prayed and headed to what would be the biggest most important day of our lives. It was what they called the consummation day, but we called it an awesome life changing moment. You stand in a court room, and there is a lot of legal terms, and questions, and suddenly with a few words you are officially parents to a beautiful little girl, and it changes your life forever. On March 22nd 2013 at 8:45am we adopted our daughter and she became officially Amauri Noelle Coleman, my family was there supporting us, and my friends came, and called and made a big fuss over it, and it was the most life changing experience I had ever gone through. All of my life all I have ever wanted was to be a mommy, and on March 22nd my friends and family came out to celebrate my dream coming true and remembered this day for me. You guys have been apart of the journey with me, and most of you would think that this journey has now come to an end, but it hasn’t you guys we have only just begun. We fought together, prayed together, and cried together over the past year for this first moment this first win, and now we will fight and grow and love together. We will now go to the next journey with me and I invite you because it won’t be easy we will have a lot of trials and storms, but my father preached Backfire the other day and his point was to say that every plan the enemy has to destroy you is going to backfire on him. I want you to know that this journey is not over and now more then ever you should fight because the plan the enemy had to stop you, to take your child, to take your moment, to destroy your pregnancy, to steal your faith, to take your purpose it is going to backfire. I believe God that I am expecting. My fertility sisters this journey is hard you are going to cry you are going to hurt, but you are not going to lose. The Lord has made a covenant with you and in the promise He decrees that you will be fruitful and if you can get into your head that God has called you to be fruitful that he has made you to be fruitful then nothing can detour you and nothing can be taken from you all areas of your life are called to be fruitful. This is our year to claim what the enemy stole. This is our year to get our faith back. In this journey of infertility it is very easy to lose faith, and that is the very thing you need to stand on to decree and declare the promises over your life.  I dare you to believe God for your promise have faith on the promise, walk on the promise, and NO MATTER WHAT trust God for the promise. I dare you to have the kind of faith to tell the doctor you are pregnant even if the test says something different. I dare you to believe Gods promise when you are staring at a negative home pregnancy test. I dare you to tell the devil PCOS you are defeated, fibroid you are defeated, miscarriages you are defeated, blocked tubes you are defeated. Whatever you feel is blocking you from God’s promise I dare you to tell the devil BACKFIRE. Stand on the promise stand on the promise stand on the promise until your faith fights for you. Until your faith speaks for you until you can tell the devil whatever you bring to me I believe God. Whatever distraction you bring to me I still believe God, and I won’t let you take my promise. Be careful what you speak over your life the things you see are subject to change. Whatever God tells you…believe that, and if the devil brings something to you or something shakes your faith speak life over yourself speak promises over yourself do not be shaken be expecting. Expect the promise expect the covenant. Do not let the devil take from you anymore from this day forward you will expect the promise today you are Officially Expecting. GET READY!!

I already have it!!

Wow it’s been a long time guys, and I have truly missed you and been through so much since the last time we spoke. I have three girls in my home age’s 7months-4years old and it is a lot. JoJo is gone he went on to live with a family member, and I miss him every single day, and every single hour, and every single moment, but I know God has a plan for him beyond what I can see. I pray for his mother, and his family. My journey of infertility has been an uphill climb. My body is healed, and I can try to get pregnant without any help. My husband and I are working on getting our bodies healthy, and getting ready for this to be the year of the promise. We are headed into adopting Amauri, and we could not be happier. I am so elated to be able to say I am truly without a doubt, and no extra people a mommy of an outstanding, dramatic, beautiful little girl. I am even more excited to be able to share her with you all very soon. It will be a year that we have had Amauri March 30th, and I truly can not remember life before her.

Since then I have been able to encourage people push people, and be excited for all of my fertility sisters that won the battle last year, and are claiming the battle this year. I was so very encouraged when one of the pastors under my father began her series, and it was called the Nehemiah experience, and I have dreamed of birthing him, and received confirmation after confirmation that he is coming. I was driving one day, and one of my spiritual big brothers told me to listen to Promises by Vashawn Mitchell and it is a beautiful song, but what stood out to me the most was one line of the song says. “The Promises of God are already mine.” I am writing to tell you that the enemy is after your promise, and he will send counterfeit people to break you, and to make you think that your promise isn’t coming, but I am coming today to put a wall against the enemy and to tell you. If God said it, and you believe it then the promises of God are already yours. There is a shift that is happening in the spirit realm and God is about to position you into a place where you can receive His promise. You can have what you believe God for.

I had a women come into my life she was after my parents, and at the time I didn’t see it. I thought she was a genuine person. Well when God shut the door on our “friendship” she began to curse my life; she began to curse Nehemiah coming. She came after me and my husband in the name of Jesus. I got shaken, but then I started feeling the spiritual warfare from her. I felt as if I was fighting the devil. It went on and on until I could not fight anymore. I then realized I was fighting her over a promise that was already mine. What God promised you don’t let the enemy, the flood, and the turmoil’s of life make you shake, but stand on the promise it’s already yours. I know you see other people’s promises coming to pass, but be not weary in well doing the promises of God are claimed for you and if you would shift your self into a receiving position; I guarantee you that it would land in your lap. GET READY for your promise and prepare for the counterfeits to come forth and shake you but if your soul is anchored in Jesus and He has already told you it is coming then that is all you need.

 

 Be blessed my fertility sisters till next time keep fighting and most importantly WIN!!

Your Fertility Sister Cora B. Coleman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb5lzlozGGs

 

 

Encouraging Someone on My Journey of Life

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